Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
