The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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