I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Randomize