Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
