I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
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