tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Randomize
