He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Randomize
