You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
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