I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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