I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
