i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
