I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
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