It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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