Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Randomize
