You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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