okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
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Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
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I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
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