Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
