I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
