Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
