1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
