i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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