If you die in college, do you die in real life?
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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