Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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