Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
