Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I need to calm my uterus...
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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