Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
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found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
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On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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