So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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