Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
