My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Operation Purity has been aborted
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
