for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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