i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
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You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
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You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
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