we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize