i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
