you guys were way drunker than both of me
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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