I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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