There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
