my sisters under your porch take her home
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Floor bacon is actually really good
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
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