I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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