i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
