Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
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