I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
