you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Randomize
