i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
