Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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