Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
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