I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
