God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
My vagina just recognized that song.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
