It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
