One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
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