areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
