My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
