I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Randomize
