it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize
