i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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