KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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