I look better un-naked...
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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