Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
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The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
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Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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