You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
