I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
