Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Farmville is her only friend.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
