im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Randomize
