You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
