some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
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Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
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