thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
