He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I think a kid would responsible me up
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Dicks are not precious.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
