Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Randomize
