I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
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