Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
