You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
