you have to choose: penises or morals?
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize
