HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
