I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
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