her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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