I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
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