Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
