Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
