You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
